


Moonlight

by SnowLyxi



Category: Shin Sangokumusou | Dynasty Warriors
Genre: Angst, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Dream Sequence, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss, M/M, Moon, Ocean, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing, Self-Worth Issues, Unresolved Emotional Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 02:09:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18650761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SnowLyxi/pseuds/SnowLyxi
Summary: He was useless now. He couldn't do anything, but watch from behind the scenes.





	Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place in Dynasty Warriors 9 after Cao Cao stations Xun Yu at Xuchang.
> 
> Beta'd by [D420](https://archiveofourown.org/users/D420)

Night was passing by the people of Xuchang peacefully except for one man. Xun Yu laid awake in his bed staring up at his ceiling, unable to fall asleep. Accompanying him was the moonlight seeping through his windows, giving his surroundings a milky luminescence. 

He was thinking about the past again. The times he traveled with Cao Cao, helping him make decisions when asked. Xun Yu enjoyed the time he spent with his lord, whether it be sharing drinks or strategizing their next move against Wu or Shu. More than anything, he knew Cao Cao was the right person to quell the chaos that had besieged the land.

But that spark of hope inside his eyes dissipated a long time ago. Xun Yu felt like this kingdom had entered a stalemate. With Cao Cao being crowned Duke of Wei, he knew that there were bound to be some protesters against his title. The fact that his lord was trying to usher in a new age confounded him. It would bring this whole land to ruin. He tried to bring up the subject to Cao Cao, discussing about the possible consequences that could happen if he continued this approach, only to be met with his dismissal.

It was heart wrenching to hear that he would be stationed at Xuchang. In that single moment, he became distant from his lord. All Xun Yu could do was watch. He was quickly disposed of the second he disagreed with Cao Cao. That’s what had become of their relationship. All that time spent with each other as friends, it was all lost to time. 

Xun Yu sighed. When he remembered those memories, he wished that the whole room would disappear and his body could go adrift in a endless sea. He would be lifeless as he did nothing but bob up and down in the water. Tossing and tumbling him about, the ocean waves would carry him into spiral until he was finally engulfed by the water. The ocean would pull him down lower and lower, submerging him deeper into a numbing cold. His last vision would be the tenebrous ground as it consumed him. 

Xun Yu closed his eyes, that scenario did indeed fit him. Forgotten and thrown away, he wished he could dissolve into that envisioned nothingness. He was deemed useless by Cao Cao and cast away here, unable to contribute much on the battle front. He wanted to be helpful and tried his best to help others, but...

But? He knew he was no longer needed anymore, with all the strategists he has recommended to Cao Cao, any one of them could take his place. Jia Xu, Xun You, Sima Yi, they were all perfect replacements for his position. They would lead this world into peace, something that he wouldn’t be able to do in his lifetime. With his lack of power, there wasn’t much he could even do with them.

Xun Yu covered his eyes with his arm. The moonlight was bothering him, the brightness even more overwhelming than it was a couple minutes ago. This was a surprise, he had never witnessed such a phenomenon before. It was humorously ironic, in juxtaposition to his dark thoughts at the moment. 

Even if this was a rare occurrence, Xun Yu didn’t find its presence welcoming. He wanted to escape from the unbearable light. He wanted to go back, back to the bottom of the deep ocean where his emotions were nonexistent. Xun Yu tried to concentrate on the darkness, all while blocking the moon’s glare from his eyes. In the ocean, his heart hardened and became impenetrable. He was no longer influenced by emotions, previous ambitions, or nostalgic memories. He was empty and emotionless. If only he could return...

He stayed like this for a couple minutes. His mind went blank as he laid there. His other hand gripped his blankets and he brought it closer to him. He knew that struggling with his consciousness was futile so he let himself sink deep in the darkness. 

He was back. 

The sudden realization caught him off guard. He was thinking so much that he hadn’t noticed the transition into the waters, but instead of the usual rough currents, he was met with a bottomless pit of blue and black. The water was calm and peaceful, no tides to carry him off to somewhere new. No signs of anything in sight, there was nothing as far as the eye could see. This was common for his dreams though, so… why did he feel so warm? Usually he would be met with iciness hugging his skin, pricking his senses. However, this foreign feeling wrapped around his body, from his midriff to his chest. It squeezed him, but it was also gentle in its touch. The sensation reminded him of someone hugging him. 

He reached up to clasp around where his heart was. It was throbbing, beating slowly into his ears. He tightened his grip and closed his brown eyes. It was the first time he felt so relaxed despite the situation. If only his nights could feel so comfortable, he would be able to sleep soundly. He let himself relax, each pulse echoing inside his body with a longing. A longing for…

“Xun Yu.”

A soft voice whispered in his ear. Startled, Xun Yu tried to turn around to find the owner. However, the pressure from the water slowed his movements and he was a bit ungraceful in the act of trying to turn his body. 

But a quick glance at the person’s sleeves told him enough information on who it was. In shock, Xun Yu shot his head up to see Guo Jia’s face. 

With a pleasant smile on him, Guo Jia had a heavenly aura around him. His radiating happiness dumbfounded Xun Yu even more so on the fact that he was here. Guo Jia was in his usual battle attire, free of any scratches or marks. He was floating in the dark abyss just like Xun Yu, yet Guo Jia looked so cheery in spite of the setting they were both in. 

Seeing Guo Jia’s face triggered a million things that Xun Yu wanted to ask. Where has he been? How come he’s appeared to him now? Is this all a dream? But out of all the questions Xun Yu wanted to find the answer to, his mind was already set on what to ask.

“Why are you here with me?”

He wanted to know why Guo Jia was in this bottomless ocean. In this place where Xun Yu’s emotions cease to exist and his body feels like dust being swept away. Why was Guo Jia here in this empty captivity with someone like Xun Yu? It didn’t suit him at all. If anything, Guo Jia should be somewhere else and not having to look at the sorry sight Xun Yu had become.

Like everyone else, it took Xun Yu an extensive amount of time to get over Guo Jia’s death. He was a mastermind at strategizing, the best of the best. He could get through any situation no matter how dire. When he suddenly died, everyone mourned. Nonetheless, he never stopped smiling even towards death. In bed, he would call Xun Yu over to chat with him and jokingly ask him for drinks. All Xun Yu would do was shake his head grin. Guo Jia never let his sickness show. Memories of Guo Jia partying at gatherings and laughing along with others flashed in Xun Yu’s head. How he wished he could go back to those times of happiness. A place full of contentment and joy, but those days were long gone for Xun Yu.

Guo Jia gave no answer to his earlier question and grabbed Xun Yu’s hand instead to hold onto his own. It was at this point that Xun Yu noticed the transparency of Guo Jia’s figure. He was like sparkles being held together. Nevertheless, the warmth was still the same as before and Xun Yu relished in it.

Guo Jia looked to him with sympathy. His eyes were kind, but full of concern. He whispered softly, “The real question is why you’re here, Xun Yu.”

That caught Xun Yu off by surprise. The reason he was here? The answer was simple. Ever since he was discarded by the King of Wei, his usefulness reduced to nil. Ever since then, his heart ached with sadness. He always thought about the progression of Wei’s conquest, but could do nothing to help. He’s done much to help Cao Cao conquer the land, build up the court, and recommend other talents into the government. He’s done it all. 

He’s imprisoned here because he disagreed with Cao Cao. This was the consequence. He’s done all he can to help his kingdom and this is his reward. Cao Cao was no longer the man he thought he knew from before. Xun Yu still wanted to contribute towards his kingdom, but how can he do so with no lord to execute his plans?

“I’m here because this is my punishment to bear. I can no longer be of any use,” Xun Yu said averting his eyes while still holding Guo Jia’s hand. It hurt to say it aloud, but it was the hard truth. The truth that Cao Cao imprinted into his soul.

Guo Jia scoffed in amusement. “I know you better than that. You still want to help, don’t you?” His light voice filled Xun Yu’s ears. It was a voice he heard often with him. Usually the man was joking around with women or laughing around with the other warriors. This was the same exact tone. It seemed that Guo Jia’s personality still didn’t change even after death. 

To answer the question, he of course wanted peace, It was the one and only thing he desired. He saw how the people suffered under the tyrannical rulers and he wished to save them. 

That resolve of his hadn’t changed. “Of course I want to help still. I want to see all this chaos come to an end,” replied Xun Yu with his head still facing down, “But how can I? I doubt Cao Cao will want me to accompany him to the battlefield ever again.”

Guo Jia smiled and said, “You don’t need to rely on someone else to help achieve your goal.”

Xun Yu’s head shot up to meet Guo Jia’s soft eyes looking back at him. Those words hit him hard. He didn’t need someone else… to help him? 

“What do you mean?” asked Xun Yu. It was a dumb question and he probably already knew the answer, but he wanted to hear it from the man he hadn’t seen in years.

Guo Jia smile softened and he slightly squeezed Xun Yu’s hand. “Even if Cao Cao has thrown you out, you’re still the same Xun Yu I’ve known. You’ll be able to figure out how to aid the others like you always do.” 

Xun Yu’s eyes teared up. It was so unlike him to feel like this. This weak, vulnerable state he was in. His past self would pity the way he looked now. The stupid, idiotic temperament that he had stopped him from advancing. With the way his emotions were controlling him, it was no wonder he was left in Xuchang. 

Even so, Guo Jia’s words also filled him with another emotion. It burned within him. He could feel his heart pumping, his mind racing. It felt like he could do anything. 

It had been a long since he’s felt this way. He felt so determined and motivated to do something. The urge to go against Cao Cao’s order and to help his friends. He wanted to attend another war council and offer advice to the others. All those things that he stopped doing because of his disposition. His blood was rushing, ideas filling his head one by one. It was silly, to be frank. To suddenly be lifted out of his depression by a few simple words, he really was a fool.

Suddenly, a bright light started to fill the ocean water. Xun Yu quickly used his hands to shield his eyes. The light shone through the still water, creating a glistening effect. It made the ocean glow white and acted as a spotlight on Guo Jia. Xun Yu peeked through his fingers and looked up past the waters to see an enormous moon staring back at him. Against the large moon, he felt microscopic. The moon covered the entire ocean surface and seemed to continuously advance towards him. 

That’s when he felt Guo Jia’s grip on him break. Xun Yu looked at his hands in alarm to see Guo Jia’s fingers slowly moving away from him. His figure was glowing with the moon; his skin was milky and his hair an angelic light blond. He was quickly drifting upwards towards the moon while it’s moonlight consumed him. Xun Yu looked distressed as he tried to regrab Guo Jia’s hand. He was just reunited with him. He didn’t want him to leave him so early, he still wanted to hold onto his hand. He wanted to feel that warmth that he had been missing for so long. He still had so much more he wanted to say. There was so much more he wanted to talk about. He wanted to say how much he appreciated Guo Jia appearing and dealing with a pathetic man like him. He wanted to stay with him.

However, just like before, the ocean’s pressure kept his movements restricted and slow. He could do nothing, but watch in distress as Guo Jia kept moving away from him with the moonlight swallowing his body. He kicked his legs, trying to swim in the water, but the ocean allowed for no speedy movements. His frantic struggles were futile as he saw Guo Jia becoming engulfed within the light. He could only stare on as he saw Guo Jia’s smiling face finally disappear from his view as he dissolved within the moon. The brightness abruptly increased, blinding Xun Yu’s eyes. 

“I believe in you, Xun Yu.”

Xun Yu shot out of bed, his hand reaching out towards his ceiling. His sheets were in disarray, which was rare considering his usual tidiness. Sudden pain shot through his temple. His head hurt. It must’ve been from the excessive sleep he’s been having lately. He blinked his eyes. Everything felt sluggish and blurry. His body felt heavy and his senses were numb. There was something else in the back of mind, but he couldn’t quite pin in. Maybe he could talk to Guo Jia about it…

Everything immediately rushed back to him. Guo Jia’s dead. He’s been dead for the couple years now. It hit Xun Yu like a rock and he mentally cursed himself. He was foolish to think about past memories, but he couldn’t help and think what would happen if Guo Jia was still with him. His life would definitely be better and he would be able to help his get through the state he was in right now. A regretful smile crept onto Xun Yu’s face. He really couldn’t do anything by himself. All those years of political service didn’t show on his stature.

He sighed and looked around his room. It was still as dark as before except for the looming moon hanging out his window. Xun Yu gazed outside to look at the brightness. The moon seemed to have increased in its size, but the light was as blinding as before. The large orb gave off a familiar sensation, something he couldn’t quite pin down.

Guo Jia.

The ocean, his dream, everything. It all seemed too damn perfect. Adrenaline filled his body and he scrambled to get out of his sheets and stumbled over his carpets. His feet clumsily gripped the floor as he made his way to his main doorway. Hastily, he grabbed the handles and swung the doors open wide. The wind whizzed through his untied hair and the cool air felt like a shock to his heated body. 

He looked straight up. The moon enhanced the night sky around him while shedding light onto his clothes. Xun Yu felt small compared to its massive size, it was the same feeling from his dream. Without breaking eye contact with the moon, he slowly laid his foot down onto the stone patio. It almost felt like the moon was reacting towards his stares. Its shine intensified even more so. It was calling out to him, the round shape filling his eyes.

Xun Yu blinked, a tender feeling filling up his heart. Without realizing it, he was already thinking back to Guo Jia and his dream. Though it was short-lived, it helped Xun Yu look at his situation from another perspective. He might’ve never gotten out his miserable phase without the help of Guo Jia.

A sad smile formed on his face. “I’m going to help Wei. I won’t be so hopeless any more,” Xun Yu muttered aloud. All the things holding him back were gone. This time he wasn’t alone. 

He was going to be himself and do the best that he could to assist the others, regardless of the limitations Cao Cao put on him. The burning passion he regained in his dream stayed strong to his present self. It spread along his bloodstream as his resolution took a hold on him. He wanted to help now. It didn’t have to be for recognition. It wasn’t to show off to Cao Cao. It wasn’t even for regaining his previous privileges. He wanted to help to achieve the goal he had long forgotten about. He realized now that it didn’t matter if others labeled him and told him that he wasn’t useful. If he wanted to be productive and achieve his goal, then he would have to take matters into his own hand, with a lord or without. 

Smiling at the shimmering moon, he reached out his hand trying to grab onto the light. The radiance slipped through his fingers. He wanted to see Guo Jia again. He could only wish to see him again in his dreams. Maybe by then, he’ll have some achievement he could talk about, to show that he’s trying to change.

With that set in his mind, he turned back to his room. There was a certain mission Xiahou Dun mentioned to him earlier and it seemed like they needed his expertise.

Maybe his subconscious wasn’t so bad after all.


End file.
